steampunk heart
Op-Ed

The war on balloons

Wars ‘r Us

The US loves war.

  • Particularly wars it cannot win. And not just wars in the military sense, like WWII—but wars like those on cancer, drugs, racial discrimination, crime and the like. All total failures.

There have been a lot of military wars since 1945. Mostly illegal—all ultimately unsuccessful except for Grenada and Panama – and even those are debatable.

Did the US really win in Iraq? How about Libya? Afghanistan? And lest we forget— because we always do — Korea and Vietnam?

  • Now the US has a new war —one it thinks it can win unequivocally.

The War on Balloons

It is an entertaining way to distract from SEYMOUR HERSH’s proof that the US set out to sabotage Nord Stream long before the beginning of the Ukrainian SMO.

Didn’t hear about that? Of course, that’s blacked out on the MSM. Of course. It’s just not fun.

Now war on balloons is a lot more interesting – although as Biden’s teleprompter will tell you — it’s not war on all balloons – just Chinese ones.

Some UnAmerican people will say that the recent Chinese weather balloon – sorry, “surveillance” balloon— did not pose a risk to any military secrets.

They will natter on…. “How could it? It moves with the winds? How could it be positioned”.

  • Silly! How many times does CNN have to say — it’s a surveillance balloon.

Its apparent lack of autonomous motive power and navigational ability actually raises the level of risk because (obviously) to get our secrets, the Evil Xi has to control the winds. The Chinese are sneaky.

And just because this balloon, which was probably loaded with a Huawei phone, might have trouble peeping into military sites if they lowered the blinds or something doesn’t mean that it wasn’t able to peep elsewhere.

Was this high-altitude Peeping Tom checking out Biden’s junk?

Ewwww…just kiddin’ — who would want to look at that? (I know, I know…Airport Security.)

Was the balloon shooting photos compromising our Dear Leader’s image of competency and integrity? Him stumbling on the steps up to AirForce One, talking to invisible people, or groping young women.

Arguably, Biden does a really good job of compromising himself — without any help from anyone — except Hunter.

UFOs-the Alien Connection

But I digress from the real point of all this — whatever it is — and which I will figure out sometime, someday—after a beer or two.

  • Suffice it to say that it’s still OK to buy your kid a balloon.

However – beware. Almost all kid’s balloons are made in China.

Along with condom, which may be why you have a kid in the first place. They are spying on your kids, too. And your junk Check those rubber things. carefully.

Some critics— who are obviously in the pay of Xi — or maybe Satan, who is no longer an “influencer” anywhere these days—unpatriotically complain that spending millions to shoot down $1000 balloons is a waste of money.

But the Balloons are just the tip of the iceberg, to mix a metaphor.

The Pentagon has pointed out out, however, that other than the Chinese Weather…er… Surveillance Balloon… the most recent shootdowns were Unidentified Flying Objects.

  • Asked directly, a senior military official did not rule out the possibility that their provenance could be extraterrestrial.

Yes, UFOs!

We don’t really know what they are, says the NORAD commander. But we need to shoot them down anyway. just in case, a commercial flight runs into one over the Yukon— even though there are no commercial flights up there.

Balloons, UFOs, large birds…whatever. Kill’m. Threat is everywhere.

The UFO” shot down over Canada— was shot down by a US F22, of course. Justin Trudeau hastily said it was done “on HIS orders’. As if Justin can tell the USAF what to do!

Later, we will find out that this “object” was a big Canadian goose, which has exactly the same size radar signature as a Chinese stealth aircraft. It is also Canada’s mainstay defense against bombers in the Far North, which suck geese into their turbines, gag and die.

  • Four shootdowns in a week. UFOs…. Connect the dots.

Yup, Xi has partnered with the Aliens.

Stop laughing. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

Wars and Phobias

Russophobia. Sinophobia. Islamophobia. We love our phobias, which fuel our beloved wars. Without fear, we cannot hate. Without hate, we cannot kill. Without killing, we can’t get everything cheap.

But now we must add to the list of paranoic phobias — “globophobia” — fear of balloons– kinda like fear of clowns – the result of early childhood trauma mostly induced by the media.

Here are the symptoms.

Feelings of intense fear, panic or anxiety that are difficult to manage.
Fear or anxiety that is out of proportion to the potential danger.
A fear of balloons that lasts for a minimum of six months.
Engaging in avoidance behaviors to prevent encounters with balloons.
A fear of balloons that interferes with your day-to-day life, overall well-being or sense of safety.
Okaaaaaaaaaaaay —the US of A is experiencing all of these things.

  • That means our country is under attack.

Let us fight. Maybe not “us”, someone else — like Ukrainians.

Put your hand over your heart and repeat after me — “I pledge allegiance to the flag”. You can do that if you are a Canadian too because the Stars and Stripes is de facto your flag too — as Justin seems to think.

Oops…wait! Stop!

90% of the red, white and blue pigments used in US flags are Chinese made!

That just proves my point. Be afraid, very afraid. Don’t buy your kid a balloon.

US military force. Or US military farce. Balloons and hot air. To match the governmental clown show, as Larry Johnson puts it.

Source: Julian Macfarlane – Southfront